What you realy want...

Latly I have been thinking... What do I REALY want...

I want peace. I don't realy need what I have, I don't want to live the way I do now. But I can't change it right now ether.
Well...I CAN but I woud have to run away from my city and society...

What I want is and adventurus life. To live in the cuntry. Growing up in the ciry I have never liked it, I have always longed for the free life on the cuntry.
And trust me, the Norwegian cuntry side is Beautifull. I can imagen, taking huors long walks in the woods, seeing nature and animals.
Exploring places I have never seen before.

Of course, I do love tecnology, and it has given me mutch in life. Insperation, Music and all that... But it's not somthing I need.
I do love watching Bleach an all that. But there is so mutch more to life out there. I want to live. Becouse living a city life is not what I call 'living'

It's like..... I dunno... It's now how you shoud live. You grow up in school, raised like everyone else, whit hundreds of other children. As you get older you must choose a "jobb" like everyone else in the society.
Then you get your jobb, you work and get payed. You buy a apartement, pherhaps find a partner and get some kids.
You raise your kid, you watch them grow, then you get old. Then when you are old enough you die.... For me... That's not the way to live my life.
I am one of those few that feels kinda traped by today's society.


Latly I have been reading a lot of what I belive in, at the Ashtar command site, abaut the awkaning and all that... I am not realy "Afraid"... more unshure and nervus. Becouse I am not confident what it means to be "Awakend" I don't know if I am awaken, half awakend or not awakend at all.

But I think I am mentaly prepared of the changes that might happens. I feel alone, shure I do, but I also feel a happiensees whithin me.
I have felt so mutch love latly, for everything. Everything in existance. Does that mean I am redy, I realy don't know.

I know things will change very soon, I think we all can feel it.
But I am not afraid. Just anxcius.
I am young, I don't have mutch to lose, there fore I don't have mutch to fear... But the thing I have is my mom, rabbit and my friends.
Of course I will be worried abaut them. I don't have a child or lover.

I am kinda worried that I will somhow "fail" this thing... I hope I have streangt enought to help myself trugh this. It woud be nice to have somone by my side, but somethings you must do all by yourself. One must be able to help onself.

An advice is always Medatating... But I have a problem whit medetating... It's not realy my thing. I like to fantasize to music and daydream... I have serius problems "Emthying" my head. It's always full of thoughts!
But not everyday thought. I wonder abaut the world, I go to my fantasy univers and my characters that I love so mutch...

Meditation is not my thing... Is that bad?.. I am young... am I TO young for this? .... When I took Aura photos I remember the guy looking into my eyes and said "Here whe have an old soul yes, a very old soul" .... I don't think I am very "young" in that sense.
But in this life, my body and mind is human... My needs are human... etc.

Lol, again peapole around me will think i am ether very weard or have mental isshues... Anyway XD

I hope everything will be okay. There is nothing I want more than be happy, and bring other joy, explore the world have fun, help others and all that^^

I have my sins, like watching redicolusly bloody Anime, and things like that. But honastly, I care and concerne very little abaut that since I have so mutch love and there is so mutch "light" stuff I like. If I where to listen to only drak music and where intrested in demons and wore only black clothes and brought other peapole misury..... Then it woud probably be a bigg deal XD
I belive that blody Anime represent the past cruelty of the human race... But latly I have seen that change. And that make me so happy.
It's funny how somthing cruel these times are met whit so mutch love. Times has changed, that woud rarly happen before.

I am thinking abaut Norway now. I have seen change in my peapole, my cuntry. Peapole have become more kind, more compassionate, more open.
I remember telling my mom when I where mutch younger "I think if somone hate you, want to beat you up etc, that if you just love them, and smile to them and always act kind to them they will just give up aventualy"

...... It will happen when it happens, I can't stop it and I don't want to stop it. Change is needed, change is balance and it will always and are always happening!

*Looong sigh*

I realy needed to get that out I supose....

Peace be whit you all~ Kiara.