I'm sorry ):

I'm sorry. I know I wrote that hatefull post abaut my mother some huors ago. I am realy sick of her illness having grown up whit it, it came at such a stupid time and I amrealy realy tierd...

When you are extreamly nagry and frustrated it's so easy to take it out on somone else...

I am better now, posting this on the Starseed Network was a very clever thing to do, peaole there are so nice and lovable, no other beings woud help me like that.
It was just what I needed.

Thank you my fellow Sarseeds! :)

 This is what I posted there:

I am sorry this had to be my first real post on this wonderfull sire... But I realy need some suport right now.
I hpe this don't make me seam very slefish or somthing....

So..... -
My Mom has a phsycological depression illness. She get's it almoast every 3-4th year. So for me growing up she somthimes suddanly got sick and I coun't see her.
So I had to live whit my grandmom.

No she has got it again.
 I never felt that it was realy my fault as a kid, but this time I realy do. I have serius problems whit school, amking everyone around me angry and frustarted over me.
And espechealy my mom. Although she get's moastly sad and upsett. I know she feels that everything is her fault, that she maby coud have done somthing abaut it the past.

I realy can't help it, I have Dyslexia, and I have never liked or enjoyed school, both sochialy and learning wise. It never gave me any meaning...
I now some other Strseeds also have felt this way in school probably. I have never got the point whit school the way it is, I have always had truble learning.
So in the last 5 years now, I have skipped school a lot. Becouse whenever I go to school I ualy feel horrible, bored, angry, frustarted, misunderstood etc.

But of course, in this society it is recuierd to go to school to get a "life". Atleast that is what eveybody says to me.

When I started on Junior Highs School my teachers contacted the Childrens Protection Cervice becouse of my school problems. Making my mom feel realy upset, of course, and at that point I know she must have feelt like a realy bad mother.
(She is a extreamly good mother!)

I felt helpless as well, becouse I know that I can never, and have never fit into School. No mattter how many thimes the Children Protection Cervice tryed to hlp me nothing got beter, it got worse.
I have no motivation for school at all, peapole tryed to help me whit that but it's no good.

So when I started on High School they (children pro cervice) decided that I shoud move to my Grandmom, since they felt that it was mom's fault that I was unable to go to school.
I have lived whit my Grandmom for over a year now, we don't get along and noting is better.

I realy don't know what to do anymore! TT_TT Last week the Cildren Protection cervce decided that maby it was best for me to live whit my mom afther all, and decided that I coud move home again afther Fall vacation.
But today my mom get Angst and Depressions becouse she is so afraid to have me home again, she can't take the presshure...

So.... My own mother can't have me living whit her anymore aparantly. And it is all my fault, becouse I can't handle School... I feel so lost!

I feel like nobody understands me, not my family, not the sochiety, nobody!

Some mental suport from anybody? Please!?
I realy need it...


I wished I had stranght enough to talk to my friends abaut this, but I have very few and I am to shy and I don't want to boter them whit my problems...
Sorry to bother you whit this! I just felt like posting it in thos forum, I did not know who else to tell D':

So Mutch Love ~ Kiara


Like said; I am feeling better now, I shoud focus on my path. A user on the site did a reading for me, and I was so shcoked becouse it was so incredible RIGHT!
:
So it seems to me like you are in the middle of a confrontation with someone. I think you should let go of that situation because you cannot win. I suggest moving on and letting go what has happened. thinking of revenge just means your still holding onto the situation. I see there is something that you love, you are really creative as a person and you should express this creativity in anyway you can. Im sensing another female figure that's close with you know that might share these same ideas. If that's the case then its time you get to work, start planning ahead for what you want to do and want to be in your life. Plan as far into the future as you can, talk about it with your friend, get excited about it and dont let ANYONE tell you what you can or cant do, that's only for you to decide.

The difficolt confrontation is moast likely my mom. And I also feel that there is not mutch I can do abaut it so I shoud just let go. And the same whit School.

And the thing I love is so obius! My books! My prechius William! I shoud start focusing on that becouse that is what I am burning for in life, Whenever I talk abaut my stories whit anyone I burn whit exitement! :D

And the Female is also pretty obius, It's my friend Jenny! It coud hardly be anyone else :P We have recently figuerd that we have a lot in commen, mutch more than what we previusly thought. I am writing letters to her and feel like I can tell her anything.
Thank you Jenny! :D <3

And yes, nobody can tell me what to do whot my own life! I have been thinking that for years! :3